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September 15, 2017

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Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1: Too Much Shirt

November 19, 2011

Some brief and probably spoilery thoughts on Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1. Because I went to the midnight opening and because it’s Twilight you really can’t expect me to have particularly deep or coherent thoughts, but here they are anyway.

- Every movie should start with Taylor Lautner running around shirtless, this is a strong marketing move. Sadly the rest of the movie involved way too much shirt. “I’m sorry Jacob, we can’t hear you over the sound of your shirt. Take it off and try again later.” I realize that the Hollywood types probably got tired of everyone making the “I’m going to open a shirt store in Forks because obviously there’s a shortage in the market” jokes, but we’re going to make jokes no matter what so you might as well embrace the tried and true marketing technique of partial nudity on attractive physiques.

- Speaking of shirts and partial nudity, you know who could have used MORE SHIRT? Bella. I mean kudos on making her legitimately look creepy and terrifyingly close to death but perhaps it went a bit too far. I kept waiting for her to start making creepy clicking noises Grudge-style – which, for the record, would have made me hide under the chair and weep.


- And who was that dude Bella married?! Was that Edward Cullen? I could barely recognize him when he’s all smiley and happy. It took until like halfway through the movie for him to turn into the highly recognizable Broody McBrooding Broodstein.


- It was probably wrong of me to laugh hysterically during Jacob’s big dramatic monologue, but I couldn’t even hold it in.

- The movie version never really explained why Rosalie was BFFs with Bella all of a sudden, nor did it include all of her amusing dog jokes.


- Seth and Leah Clearwater are awesome. Just saying.


- Breaking Dawn is my favorite of the Twilight books and the movie didn’t disappoint, And by “didn’t disappoint” I mean it’s good if you go in expecting hilarity and brooding and broodening harder and hilarity and a little creepy-factor then you’ll be just fine.



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